By Troy Brownfield
10.14.04
|
Yep.
That's him. Un-friggin'-believable.
|
Many
Happy Returns
Greetings,
readers. I've been away for a while as I've settled into my
new role as "Professor Troy". We've already had to design
curriculum for the second semester, order textbooks, and make
plans for all of that. In addition, I've been writing for
Newtype, writing for Newsarama,
writing for INTake
Weekly (about BEER, no less; I love journalism), writing
for Nuvo, and more. As if that weren't enough, Becky and I
have been preparing for the arrival of Baby Boy Brownfield.
(That's right: boy). We've paid down on the furniture, studied
on what things we need (safety ratings, Consumer Reports,
the works), registered for baby gifts (the Babies
R Us excursion alone was several mind-blowing hours),
and had ultrasounds. And I still have ingrates who say, "Where's
your column?" Yeeesh. Well anyway, you know me. I HAVE to
write for the Halloween season. So I have returned. Let's
get with it.
Guess
Who's Back?: True, the first single off of Eminem's forthcoming
release isn't a brilliant polemic, but it does throw shots
at perpetual defendant Michael Jackson. Jackson whined (gee,
the mind boggles) about the video, but MTV has thus far refused
to pull it. Jackson seems to think that people will believe
that he's a child molester because of images in the video.
Frankly, I think that people believe that he's a child molester
because HE SLEEPS WITH LITTLE BOYS.
Master
Debaters: How anyone can watch the presidential debates
and not think that Bush behaves in a puerile and self-indulgent
fashion is beyond me. His micro-tantrums aside, can we please
just get a president who speaks the language? That's not elitist.
That's a plea.
Here:
I'll make it a direct one. "Mr. President, there's a FUCKING
A at the beginning of AMERICA. It's A-MERICA. UH-MERICA. Not
MERICA. The country's not named after MERIGO Vespucci, the
South Pole isn't Ntarctica, and Montgomery isn't the capital
of Labama. There's an A. SAY IT! SAY IT!" My apologies to
Sam Kinison.
I also
love how Poland is our big ally. The President invoked the
power of Poland three or four times in the first debate. Poland
was so happy to be recognized that they announced their withdrawal
from Iraq within hours. Maybe it's not too late for the president
to praise the contribution that Brian Michael Bendis is making
as writer of The Avengers.
The
Grudge: I can't have an October column without talking
horror flicks. I'm excited to see this, and not because it
has Sarah Michelle Gellar in the shower. (It's only PG-13
anyway, so keep your pants on). October 26th sees the release
of the swell Dawn of the Dead remake on DVD, and the second
trade paperback collection of the superlative The Walking
Dead comic from Image drops as well. Check 'em all out, or
else the zombies will get you.
Big
Steve: Yes, I have indeed read the final installment of
The Dark Tower. I have to say that there's a bit of a feeling
of anti-climax in the air, knowing now that Mr. King already
has another novel (not just book, novel) in the bank. Frankly,
I love the ending of big number 7 here, but I have to admit
to being a might let down that certain characters didn't reappear
for the big finale. I'm not sure what kind of tales that the
man is going to tell now, but I would actually be really curious
to see him try his hand at some old school crime stuff. He's
indicated a taste for it before in interviews and afterwords,
so I don't see it as that big of a stretch. For that matter,
I'd also like to see James Ellroy write a horror novel; lord
knows that parts of The Black Dahlia qualify.
Message
Board: Whether people know it or not, we actually have
a message board set up on the site. People usually use it
to stupidly ask questions about firearms, to occasionally
bitch that no one posts, or to occasionally take contrary
political positions. I'd ask you to check it out and post
something of note; it could be entertaining.
Farscape
and more: Another happy return. Farscape: The Peacekeeper
Wars airs beginning Sunday the 17th. There's grim justice
that it returns because fans actually demanded it. And proving
that there's an audience for solid fantasy on TV, Lost debuted
to bang-up ratings; I take cold comfort in the fact that Buffy/Angel
stalwarts like David Fury are on the creative staff and get
to whip the WB's ass on the night that the WB gave away.
Sure,
they still have Smallville, but they wrote the new season
in such a bizarre way (introduce a compelling Lois Lane, then
ship her off ASAP) that I'm almost rooting for them to get
slapped. I mean, come on; we all know how Smallville ends.
Clark ain't gonna be with Lana, and he ain't gonna be with
Chloe. There's NO MYSTERY there. It was an interesting approach
to begin with; now, I'm just waiting for Singer to do the
movie.
And
Good Night, Mrs. Federline, Wherever You Are: Britney
Spears announced her intention to now go by Britney Federline.
Do any of you really give a shit? The only thing that I find
fascinating about her is how she managed to out-skank Christina
Aguilera in a shockingly short span of time.
Jessica's
Little Sister: The Simpson with the bigger chin divot
thinks that she's a rocker because she dyed her hair and rasps.
So do old ladies with emphysema. How do kids buy any of this
kind of crap? My cats are more punk than Avril, and my turtle
knows more about rock than the Little Jess.
Kickin'
It Old School: VH-1 deserves a big hand for their latest
run of compelling documentaries on the history of rock; this
time it was And You Don't Stop: 30 Years of Hip-Hop.
They captured some great moments and interviewed every significant
surviving contributor to the form (and included footage of
some of those who weren't so fortunate). It was all capped
off with the brilliant Hip-Hop Honors, which featured The
Beastie Boys kicking ass all over the place paying tribute
to Run-DMC and jamming with Public Enemy and Anthrax. Other
worthy performances included Fat Joe covering KRS-One and
a remarkable DJ set that put Doug E. Fresh on the mic and
backed him with Kid Rock, Kid Capri, DJ S&S and Grandmaster
Flash on the turntables. All seven hours of programming need
to be put in a time capsule; it's a terrific snapshot of the
best of the genre.
Old
School, Part Deux: I also have to throw in an unabashed
plug for the Left of the Dial CD boxed set. It's a
brilliant excavation of what alternative rock meant before
MTV choked the life out of it in the mid-90s. Acts like the
Stone Roses, the Replacements, the Church, and the holy pandava
of The Cure, New Order, R.E.M., Depeche Mode and The Smiths
are represented with sterling tracks. It's a must-have for
those who actually give a crap about the true history of rock.
Happy
Birthday, Hack and Slash: Dungeons & Dragons just turned
30. Nothing I can say about it can be as great
as this. Enjoy.
Troy Brownfield is the Editor-in-Chief of Shotgun Reviews.
Email Troy at psikotyk@aol.com
|
