By Troy Brownfield

Let's get right to it, shall we?

From the Better Half: My lovely wife contributed the following: Anna Kournikova lost in the opening round of the U.S. Open. She had 40 unforced errors (nearly one per minute) in her match. The crowd booed her as she left the court. I'm sure she looked cute in her outfit, though. (That just shows that Becky has much more class than I do; I would have either said something about her ass, her breasts, or referenced "Anna Kournikova naked" for the cheap search engine hit).

THE BMV: I had to visit this particular circle of Hell in anticipation of my impending 29th birthday. It's even worse than I remembered. Thanks to the "new rules" of our "new world", you need to take a copy of a utility bill and/or other item with your permanent address. That's in addition to your registration, proof of insurance, and your fourteen bucks. Really, do terrorists need driver's licenses?

Terrorist 1: Hey, let's take a van and blow up a building.
Terrorist 2: I can't. I don't' have a license.
Terrorist 1: Bummer. What's on TV?

Unfortunately, every conceivable person who needed to renew a license, a title, an ID card, or simply liked to wait in line was at the BMV in front of me. And I noticed one thing: the BMV draws more ugly people per capita than any place I've been in the last several months. One woman stood out; she had fewer teeth than Mick Foley, more tattoos than the Undertaker, and glasses with lenses that were only slightly less as large as the ones currently affixed to the Hubble Telescope.

At least the lady who waited on me was nice. She even shared a couple of funny stories. Once, after asking a teenager the typical litany of questions (legal trouble? seizures? etc.), he asked, "Does getting caught smoking pot count?" Unfortunately, his mom was sitting next to him, and she screamed, "WHAT?" The kid countered with, "Dad told me not to tell." Obviously, someone was getting his ass chewed when he got home that night.

She also told me about a blind man that came in once. Not for license, but for a state I.D. As he was leaving, his well-trained seeing-eye dog walked straight into the wall and nearly knocked itself out. She said that it hit the wall with an audible thunk, fell down, shook its head, then got back up and led his master out. Considering that they came in without anyone else, does that mean that the dog was driving the car?

The Politics of Consequence: Who wants a war? Raise your hand! In the past, I've jokingly (okay, half-jokingly) suggested that we whack Saddam Hussein. However, I'm not a real big fan of getting the country mired in a ground war where other countries might turn against us. In my simple thinking, that's BAD.

Another contrary element is a report that went out on CNN.com. Apparently, Secretary of State Colin Powell has noted in private that the U.S. shouldn't attack Iraq without a coalition in place. To my mind, that's GOOD.

Not good that we'd have a war, but good in the way that we have at least one person in the U.S. government who's willing to consider more than one side of an issue. After 9-11, I was pretty supportive of making Baghdad a really big parking structure, because it seemed pretty likely that there was some involvement there. However, that was emotion. That was raw anger, and I think people can be excused for THINKING such thoughts initially as long as they consider things rationally in the long term.

Let's face it: Hussein probably has chemical and biological weapons. He probably WANTS to use them against the U.S. And honestly, what would give him a better excuse than 25,000 or so members of the U.S. Armed Forces marching toward his house? Should we toss our soldiers into the meet grinder for the sake of being tough on terrorism? Last time I checked, we still weren't sure exactly what role Iraq played, if any. Now, I'm not a Hussein sympathizer by any means. I'm just saying that if you want to get him, make sure you aren't going it alone. Think things through. Get approval. Get help. That's what leaders do. And that's what ours SHOULD do.

Building Your Scene: Those who complain that there's nothing to do in their towns and hamlets could take an example from IndianapolisMusic.net. Proudly wearing shirts that declare "Making A Scene", the forces have IMN have pushed new life into the music scene here in Indianapolis. There are lessons on that site to be learned by many promoters, campus agitants, and bored teens. Go have a look.

The FOURTH Annual Indianapolis News Anchor Beauty Pageant: Yep. It's coming.

Troy Brownfield is the Editor-in-Chief of Shotgun Reviews. 29 doesn't feel that much older. As a wise man once said, "It's not the years; it's the mileage.". Email Troy at psikotyk@aol.com

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