Wouldn't you know it? Just when I was ready to settle into a nice run of storytelling-style columns, the American public has to have two huge debates regarding the Constitution explode all over the place. Of course, this is too good to pass up. To whit . . .

The Pledge: First, a little history. The Pledge of Allegiance was written in 1892 (by a minister, no less); at that time, the phrase "under God" was not part of it. That phrase was added by Congress in 1954, when tolerance in America was at an all-time high (for those keeping score, that is both facetious and sarcastic). On Wednesday, a Federal Circuit Court in California resolved that the phrasing made the pledge unconstitutional for school children to say in public school because it was more or less a tacit State endorsement of monotheism. You know what? They're right. And you know what else? Who gives a crap?

No one in this country ever says the pledge after elementary school. And the kids who are forced to say it every day simply mumble through it without grasping the meaning behind the words. It's another thing that they're forced to do, like spelling words and vocabulary lists.

I come down firmly on the side of "if you don't want your kid to say under God, tell them not to say it". If anyone gives them crap, tell them to say, "I'm doing the original; under God is the inferior cover version, sort of like Placido Domingo doing Light My Fire."

What I can't believe is how quickly Bush and the Congress leaped up to shout down the court. Gee, checks and balances are there for a reason. Obviously, Bush and the Gang are trying to play upon America's ever-fluctuating sense of patriotism to stir up a little pre-July Fourth outrage to cover up for whatever they're screwing up this week. And don't patronize me by saying, "But Bush came out strong against WorldCom." The only reason he's hard on them and not Enron is because he made no money from WorldCom.

I'm also staggered by the American public's response. If there is a Supreme Being, he decided a long time ago that, in the words of Biblical scholar Mikey Daubs, we fuckin' monkeys are on our own. People seem outraged like we just told all their kids that there's no Santa Claus. I'm especially offended by the people who seem to think that the Pledge was in the Declaration of Independence or something. As I noted at the top, that group of words didn't happen along until over a hundred years later, and even the minister who wrote it didn't feel the need to shoehorn God in. God came in as the McCarthyites were flogging their genitals over the thought of catching and eliminating godless pinko Commies. Read the history of the '50s regarding what the government was doing to basic liberties, and I guarantee that shit will turn you white.

However, it doesn't matter that the others whine. The Court has already backpedaled faster than the Klan at the Million Man March. Turns out they've put a stay on their own decision until it can be "rethought" (*cough* overturned). Wow, nice to know that the Courts have no balls when they actually interpret the law. And here I thought that had the decision, which compared "under God" to saying that we were "once nation under Vishnu" or "one nation under Zeus", was brilliant.

You can tell that John Entwistle is dead; we just got fooled again.

Drug Testing: According to the Supreme Court, it is now universally legal to randomly check all students who participate in all school activities (from sports to French club) for drugs via whiz quiz without any grounds for suspicion. Despite the fact that the Fourth Amendment would seem to obviously contradict this, the bogeyman of drugs has freaked the old white men in charge so much that they'll gleefully dismiss it. Now, it is totally feasible for a kid going out for Chess Club to be subjected to a urine test. And this saves the country's youth how?

A Moment of Silence: For the only mainstream outlet of intelligent and entertaining political discourse, "Politically Incorrect". I don't need to explain this one; Bill Maher got hosed in large, large fashion. If that show, or this website, can share anything meaningful with you, it's these two things: the government is NOT always right, and it is not only your right, but your responsibility, to question everything.

Wimbledon: I haven't seen so many American men go down so fast since Nickel Stolly Madris Night at Club Cabaret. I can forgive Sampras for having a bad back, and Agassi for having a bad day, but what about Roddick? Where is the future of American male tennis? This would make a really great thread on ESPN2.com.

CrossGen: If you know anything about comics, then you know that CrossGen is doing a whole lot of things right, and very, very little wrong. They're securing multi-media deals left and right, netting distribution into China (that's nine zeros worth of potential consumers), and lining up new imprints to handle creator-owned and smaller press projects. I know some people have been snippy about the new strides (ahem, Erik Larsen's little blurb on Newsarama at www.comicon.com), but this is what comics needs more of: progressive thinking with the bucks and the balls to back it. And if you've never read a CrossGen book, get over to their home site or www.comicsontheweb.com and check out some of their stuff for free. They do science fiction, fantasy, mystery, horror, and more. You now have no excuse not to look.

High Speed Internet for the home: Why yes, it does kick ass.

That's all for now, sports fans. I'll be checking back soon with a tale of a religious journey from 1991 that involves demons, storefront churches, and the strangest version of "Tip-Toe Through the Tulips" I've ever heard. Be seein' ya'.
Troy Brownfield is the Editor-in-Chief of Shotgun Reviews. Check out cartoons by Ted Rall. Email him at psikotyk@aol.com

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