By Troy Brownfield
02.25.02
The Olympics
have left the building. I have to admit that I'm quite fond
of the games. Largely played by obscure athletes who play
for the love of playing, the Winter Games feature some simply
crazy-ass events (curling, skeleton) that are just plain fun
to watch. And while the big name players in the Summer Games
often go ego crazy (NBA guys, I'm looking at you), the NHL
players that suffused the hockey tourney at every level acted
with humble grace about the whole thing. Here's some personal
highlights for me . . .
Where's
Wapner When You Need Him?: Okay, so the Pairs Figure Skating
controversy got a little nuts. However, I reject the assessment
that it was a big deal just because Jamie Sale is cute. The
French judge admitted to cheating, then changed her story
three times. Lest we forget that SHE ADMITTED TO CHEATING,
then we should remember that she ADMITTED TO CHEATING. It's
not like the little Russian pairs chick wasn't cute; hell,
she also came back from an Honest-to-God brain injury, overcame
surgery, partial paralysis and a Christ's-sake speech impediment
to win her medal. You telling me that's not media worthy?
Still,
despite the fact that the FRENCH JUDGE CHEATED, I wish to
cast no negative aspersions on the cuteness of Jamie Sale.
She is cute. Damn cute. And has a damn fine ass. In fact,
it's a spectacular ass. It's the kind of ass that gives J-Lo
pause, could evoke songs of praise from Michael W. Smith,
and generate an emergence from retirement of the Booty Master
himself, Sir Mix-A-Lot. Even though David Pelletier got a
gold medal, he's already a winner, eh?
Holy
Hockey!: Several of the games in the hockey tourney were
just stellar. I was shocked at how amazing some of the plays
turned out to be. One notable goal was the one that Brett
Hull pulled off in their second game against Russia; coming
from behind the net, he banked the puck backward between his
legs and into the corner of the opposite side for the score.
The Red Wing was modest about it, but it was brilliant to
watch.
The Gold
Medal game between the U.S. and Canada had more All-Stars
than a P-Funk reunion, and everything moved remarkably fast.
Despite the fact that the 5-2 final belies that actual closeness
of the contest, I'm not terribly disappointed that Canada
won. Mario is an awesome guy, Wayne is cool, and I kind of
like the idea of a whole country waking up today with a hangover.
One last note: the fact that Jeremy Roenick kicked a lot of
ass enabled me to quote repeatedly from one of my favorite
lines from "Swingers". Gotta like that.
Snowboarders=Honesty:
Silver Medalist in Freestyle Danny Kass endeared himself
to me on day one when he indicated that he wasn't really sure
about his medal chances, he was just there for "the beer and
chicks". Let's face it; at some point, aren't we all?
Jim
Shea: If ever there was a guy who deserved to win a Gold
Medal, it was this guy. Taking part in a sport that would
make most normal humans crap their pants, Shea flew headfirst
in his Captain America-style gear to take the Gold in honor
of his grandfather, himself a gold medalist and victim to
a drunk driver just days before the Opening. Shea got to take
The Oath for the athletes, carry the torch with his dad (also
an Olympian) and win a medal, but the coolest thing was when
a Japanese man delivered him a box yesterday that contained
the actual skates that Shea's grandfather wore to win his
gold medal. If someone's not putting together a movie on this
yet, then Hollywood is more messed up than I thought.
Alisa
Camplin: This Australian girl's story ruled. A freestyle
skiing aerialist, she sold her car to afford to come to the
Games. She told her Mom and sister that she'd be too nervous
if they came, so to stay home. The Mom sold HER car, and took
her and the sister to the Olympics. They watched from the
stands, hiding behind an Australian flag. When Alisa improbably
won the Gold, the first straight-up gold medal win for her
country, her mom and sister appeared as if by magic to hug
her. Be a cynic about that.
The
Closing: I thought that the mishmash of musical acts that
played throughout the games was a great idea, but some of
the choices for the closing were inspired. Earth Wind and
Fire! Moby! KISS! Come on, Kiss had to be there; the Olympics
are the biggest show on Earth, and they're the biggest showmen.
It was great to hear that Paul Stanley stage banter: "Come
oooooonnnnnnn, Salt Lake City!". I also loved that Katarina
Witt and Kristi Yamaguchi came out and skated while Kiss played.
I've often thought about Katarina and Kristi teaming up .
. . okay, moving on . . .
What's
It Mean, Charlie Brown?: There are dozens of other cool
stories. Sarah Hughes leaping from fourth to win a gold medal
in figure skating. Home Depot employee and new dad Derek Parra
netting a surprise silver medal in a event where he wasn't
expected to place, and following up by blowing a World Record
to pieces while getting a gold. Chris Klug snowboarding to
a bronze after surviving a liver transplant. Vonetta Flowers
becoming the first African-American to medal in a Winter Games
(and it was gold). Brian Shimer, finally medaling in bobsleigh
after his fifth try, turning in the fastest run in heat four.
These
stories are great because with the exception of a notable
few, these athletes won't go on to big money careers. They'll
go back to normal jobs and normal families. Some will come
back in four years, some will compete in other events, and
some will just fade into obscurity. The importance of the
Olympics is that it allows, even for a brief time, a cross-section
of men and women from every country to be viewed as the World's
Greatest Champions. For two weeks, it's not overpaid infants
with shoe deals or ear-biting thugs, it's high school girls
who do their homework in the car or people who work in the
lawn and garden section of hardware stores. That's why the
Olympics are so cool. They allow those who work hard a moment
to touch greatness. I really can't think of much that's better.
Shameless
Plugs: Of course I have some.
Russ, still announcing. Show, still on. Website, still www.wcwo.com.
Shawn
and The Shivers will rock your lame asses on April 1st and
April 3rd. The April 1st show is at Birdy's on 71st and Keystone
in Indy; they'll be appearing as "The Smiths", along with
other bands doing "Tom Petty", "311", "The Ramones" and more.
On April 3rd, they invade The Patio in Indy's famed Broad
Ripple for Round One of the Battle of the Bands. More info
at www.theshiversmusic.com.
And lastly,
here's a nod to Big Bad Voodoo Lou, friend of the site and
host of the Space-Age
Bachelor Pad. Lou represents everything that a good friend
of the site should be: he's into comics, Transformers, lucha
libre wrestling, and such bands as the aforementioned Smiths,
Mike Ness and Social Distortion, and the immortal Los Straitjackets.
Viva El Lou!
Troy
Brownfield is the Editor-in-Chief of Shotgun Reviews. He got
a Gold Medal in the Reading Olympics in grade school. Email
him at psikotyk@aol.com
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