By Troy Brownfield
02.21.04
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Speaking
on condition of anonymity, an official from Japan's
SDF responded to potential terror threats with a brief,
"Motherfuckers can try."
(Pictures copyright their respective
owners)
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Our
Weird World
Weird
Japan: I
find it odd that Japan would come under terror threats for
sending a mere 600 ground troops (1,000 soldiers total) to
Iraq. Explosions rocked Tokyo in two locations on Thursday,
and the responsible parties claimed it was to protest the
dispatching of troops to the Middle East. That's brilliant;
protest war by blowing shit up. Great move.
Weird
U.S.A.: Martha Stewart's friend sold her out on the stand.
Or didn't. She can't remember. She did note for the record
that, "Seriously, when the bitch goes on about candles
that much, you just kind of tune her out." Once again,
it should be noted that this is all about $45,000, which is
a drop in the Enron bucket.
Weird
Middle East: I saw Henry Rollins speak the other day.
He urges you all to google "Unocal pipeline" and
read what you find. Then think about the war in Iraq for a
little while. Kinda makes some of those White House protestations
a little weak, doesn't it?
Weird
Haiti: The fit has hit the shan. Watch us not go in to
fix another situation that we pledged to support. Naysayers
can look up "Liberia". I'll wait.
Weird
Libya and Iran:
Wow! Just as Bush's support lags in the polls, out come two
reports that Libya and Iran may possess the materials needed
to manufacture nuclear weapons! Are they an immediate threat?
Huh? Huh? Wonder how long that will be. I make one guarantee:
Iran will be more immediate, because it's in the path of the
'Unocal pipeline" referenced above.
Weird
Brazil:
The theme of Rio's largest celebration, the Grand Carnivale,
is safe sex. The government plans to use money raised to fight
AIDS, and plans to give out 10 million condoms during the
time of the event. Isn't crazy that a largely Roman Catholic
country can be so progressive, and we've got a president that
wants to cripple sex education?
Weird
Morocco:
A flight from New York to Casablanca was diverted to Maine
to investigate a story that seemingly mixed Al Queda, bombs
and kidnapping. Turns out that it was a domestic dispute that
involves a missing husband. Hubby is safe, but is probably
in waiting for an ass-whipping when he gets home. What's worse?
I don't imagine that flights to Casablanca ever play good
movies, like Casablanca. They probably get Catch
That Kid or The Perfect Score.
Weird
Hollywood:
Angel, a show I truly love, just got cancelled. That
marks about the 700th cancellation of a show I like. And why
was it cancelled? Ostensibly, the show (which had increased
its ratings this year and was 2nd in the two most desirable
demographic categories for its network) was more expensive
to produce that the two shows the WB wants to put on in its
place. Those shows? ANOTHER attempt at Dark Shadows,
and a Lost in Space revival that doesn't include a
Dr. Smith character (it's "family drama in space".
Ooooh). So basically, the lesson is that if you improve your
ratings, improve your buzz, continue to bring in your die-hard
fans, and make shitloads of money off of DVDs, you'll still
get cancelled for cheaper knock-offs of old properties. What
makes it worse is that Charmed got renewed. Ugh. I
know the argument is that "The chicks are hot";
if that's what you want, go watch cable where the hot chicks
actually do more than switch hair color.
Weird
Indianapolis:
So far, the Benchmark Battle of the Bands has drawn a mind-numbing
209 entries. And that's without about two-dozen of
the best acts in the city (Loretta, The Fuglees, The Malcontents,
Rhymefest, The Shivers, Samsell, etc.) being involved.
That
means one of two things: 1) Indy is in a HUGE musical upsurge
or 2) There's a lot of guys who think that getting on-stage
is all you need to do to win $10,000. The sign-up night itself
is so huge that it has to be held in The Vogue. Frankly, for
there to be this much interest, somebody's doing something
right.
Weird
My Pants:
Just checking to see if you were awake.
Weird
MTV:
MTV made a huge deal a couple of weeks ago about only playing
certain videos after 10pm, including clips by Britney, Incubus,
and Maroon 5. On Wednesday, I had the TV on in the afternoon
while eating lunch. I saw all three of those videos in the
space of like 20 minutes. I know what the real shocker is;
you're all asking, "Why were you watching MTV in the
first place?" Easy, cheap-laugh answer: Fergie in B.E.P.'s
"Hey, Mama" (no, not the duchess). Real answer:really,
I have no idea.
Weird
FX: Not
so much weird as "swell". FX runs two episodes of
Buffy in syndication every afternoon. Between Friday
and Tuesday of next week, you'll see the last six episodes
of the series (which include the returns of Faith and Angel,
some big deaths, and one hideous maiming), right up to the
brilliant finale, "Chosen". If you're curious to
see how it ended, catch that; if you've never watched the
show and want to improve yourself, tune in Wednesday for the
first two episodes of the whole thing. Follow accordingly.
Weird
Column: Why talk about so much international stuff? Simple.
We need to know. We just have to remember to look.
Troy Brownfield is the Editor-in-Chief of Shotgun Reviews.
Email Troy at psikotyk@aol.com
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