By Troy Brownfield

Hello, sports fans, and welcome to the Post-Game edition of Shotgun Reviews. I'll be covering some other things, but I would like to comment on the unthinkable: a Super Bowl with a decent finish.

God Distracted by Earthquake; Blows Game for Rams: So much for the spread, "manifest destiny", and certain quarterbacks bucking for the will of God on every audible. Defying the critics and the almighty Himself, the New England Patriots booted the St. Louis Rams with a last-minute field goal. Aside from actually being "a game", the Super Bowl was notable because Tom Brady became the youngest quarterback to ever win one (he's 24 and a handful of months). Marshall Faulk played well for St. Louis; it's nice to see that he got over that stubbed toe that sidelined him for eighteen months or so when he was a Colt.

The Inevitable Commercial Comments: As usual, Budweiser had the best ads. Whether it was Cedric the Entertainer with the "How much?" spot, or the guy talking about his girlfriend's ass, or (my favorite) the mini-fridge smashing the attack robot with a fucking huge hammer, Bud came out on top.

In terms of Britney's much hyped ad, it's still just another pop singer shilling for a soft drink (albeit a pop singer with magnificent breasts). There was nothing new to it: same bland jingle, same bright colors, same pseudo-bouncy dancing. What really surprised me is that the ad itself cost $8,000,000; for those into budgets, that was what it cost to make "Pulp Fiction". At the end of the day, it still won't make me drink Pepsi. (For the record: my staple drinks of choice remain Coke, Rolling Rock, Welch's 100% Grape, Dole Pineapple-Orange-Banana, 1% Chocolate Milk, and Gin & Tonic; Team Shotgun is always available for endorsements).

Super Bowl Music and More: I must say that the Super Bowl traded up this year in terms of pre-show entertainment and the half-time extravaganza. Paul McCartney and U2 ain't bad. However, I still flipped over at 8:30 to catch the rerun of Justice League (which I forgot to tape on Monday; it was Part Two of the Felix Faust episode), and then watched "Sex and the City" at 9. This enabled me to come back to the game and see the great final five minutes, which involved two scores and the highest interest. As for the Playmates on Fear Factor, I have to say that I didn't watch them. That's what video tape is for.

In Other Sports News, I Still Hate Jordan: The Wizards played the Pacers this weekend. Jalen Rosen was ejected for committing the egregious error of bumping into Jordan coming off of a play, then perhaps suggesting that he isn't God (who was distracted by the earthquake in Turkey and unable to help Kurt win the Super Bowl). Any other player in the league in Jordan's position would have been tossed too, but since Jordan is The Big Indecisive-About-When-He's-Going-To-Finally-Hang-It-Up and regarded among officials as the Second Coming (despite this being his third stint in the league), he got to stay.

I'm not just saying this as a Pacer fan, but NBA officials have always struck me as a having a corrupt bias against secondary TV market teams. It was obvious in the '80s when the Lakers got calls over Boston, then Bulls over Trailblazers, and so on. Couple that with Jordan's "mystique" and officials are loath to call him like a human being. Have you ever closely watched Jordan? He berates his teammates (especially Kukoc back in the day), jaws at his opponents, and yells at officials when his team gets that 1 in 10 call against them. He's no bastion of sportsmanship; he's a big scorer and a marketing op. Complaints about my opinion of Jordan can be directed to "I don't care", in care of this website.

Al Gore Rises from the Dead: Surprising those who thought Dr. Frankenstein died in the last movie, Al Gore was apparently resurrected by a bolt of lightning last week. Re-entering the "public debate", no doubt in early prep for a 2004 run, Gore started pointing out where he believes the current administration is wrong. That's all well and good, but even I would have to say that maybe it isn't time yet. And that's not on a "by God, support Bush at all costs because of the times" stance, it's on a "Bush is still riding high on public opinion despite the Enron bug and you'll get your ass kicked, Al" stance.

Enron: This whole thing is so messy and complex that my normal short comments wouldn't give the entire affair a proper explanation. However, it's my considered opinion that when a lot of money vanishes, and guys involved start to leave the country, refuse to appear before Congress, or shoot themselves, something fishy was going on.

America's Right to Know: V.P. Dick Cheney has drawn some heat for refusing to divulge details about Enron meetings. I hate that when a scandal breaks, politicos try to hide behind certain things. I think that the rule should be very clear: a politician can keep every detail of their personal lives secret (unless you're shtupping your intern and she disappears), but every meeting with a public company must be a matter of public record. I'm sorry, but if you're in power and you meet with a publicly-held company, and you won't talk about what happened, that can only mean it's not good for the public, or damaging for you.

Frankly, I don't care if George W. didn't actually choke on a pretzel and was actually choking on a ball-gag that his Eurasian whores use while they whip him with saddle shoes in the Lincoln Bedroom. I don't care if Dick Cheney thinks Estelle Geddy is hot. I don't care if Colin Powell has a dent in his skull from banging his head against the wall for working for a goof that would publicly announce that he choked-on-pretzel-fall-down-go-boom. None of that matters to me personally. But should elected officials have to report on official business so long as it doesn't immediately endanger the lives of American citizens (i.e. troop locations in war-time)? Absolutely.

Shameless Plugs: As you may or may not know, our wrestling columnist Russ Ray announces for WCWO: Wild Championship Wrestling Outlaws here in Indy. The group (located online at www.wcwo.com) just launched their brand-new TV show this past Saturday on WB4 in Indy. It airs at 6:30am (set your VCRs and Tivo), and looks quite good. Our boy Russell opens every episode with a run-down of the card. I understand that we'll see Russ in a more active capacity as the series progresses. If you live in the area, definitely check him out.

My other shameless plug is a reiteration regarding our webmaster, Shawn. His new band The Shivers plays at Radio Radio (located by the historic Fountain Square) in Indy on February 16th. Other bands and two DJs will also perform. Read about Shawn's group and download their music at www.theshiversmusic.com.

In terms of other local entertainers, I also hear suggestions that you check out www.LeslieCulton.com. I think most members of our comics-reading male fanbase will dig that.

Troy Brownfield is the Editor-in-Chief of Shotgun Reviews. Not enough athletes blame Satan when they lose. Email him at psikotyk@aol.com

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