By Troy Brownfield

More Pope, More Awards, More Moore

The Pope is Dope

I know I was harsh to Pope John Paul II in my last column, but I'm a big enough man to admit when someone does something swell. As reported on CNN.com, the Pope was treated to a performance by a troop of breakdancers. Yes, breakdancers. As in Beat Street. As in Ollie & Jerry's "There's No Stoppin' Us." As in "My name's Turbo, STREET DANCER!".

The best part is that the Holy Father had this to say, and I quote:

"Artistic talent is a gift from God and whoever discovers it in himself has a certain obligation: to know that he cannot waste this talent, but must develop it."

As George Carlin once said about the First Amendment, let me repeat that, because it sounds vaguely important.

"Artistic talent is a gift from God and whoever discovers it in himself has a certain obligation: to know that he cannot waste this talent, but must develop it."

I would like to thank the Pope for giving the most eloquent statement against censorship that anyone could possibly make. People like the geniuses (or is that genii?) at the PTC and other groups are constantly flogging their religion and so-called morals as a lame excuse to attack art that they don't like. That's why books like Huckleberry Finn and The Catcher in the Rye get banned, and why TV shows lose sponsors. And now, The Pope, seen by many as the voice of God on Earth, has finally come out and said that talent is a gift and shouldn't be wasted.

If that means that someone develops it in a way that you don't like, tough shit. We've got the First Amendment for that, and now, rather unbeliveably, we've got The Pope. Granted, The Pope may not have been offering clemency to King Diamond just then, but I think the point is rather clear: Use Your Talents, and Be Free in Doing So. It's not just your right; it's your responsibility. Let the people without talent bitch about your content.

Coda: In no way does my words or the words of His Holiness change the fact that Yes, Dear sucks.

And Speaking of the Constitution: This just in; a federal judge has ruled that part of the Patriot Act is indeed unconstitutional. Apparently, the judge read the Patriot Act, checked the Constitution, called upon the power of Common Sense, and made the ruling. Expect more parts to get slapped down in the future.

Golden Globes: I usually watch the big award shows, mainly so I can rip on someone when they do something disingenous or empty-headed. I also get a big kick out of the emphasis on cleavage, given the name of the event (just for the record, Charlize Theron really is a front-runner). At any rate, a couple of incidents are worth mention.

Regarding the aforementioned Charlize, I felt bad for her after Al Pacino got to ramble incoherently for his speech, but she got all of like 40 seconds. The guy that won the foreign film award for a picture that 99.9% of America hasn't seen got more time. This is how we treat the supposed Best Actress? That's real nice.

I was also chagrined by the expression on Clint Eastwood's face when Peter Jackson was announced for Best Director. Let's clarify one thing: I like Eastwood, and he's made some brilliant movies. I love High Plains Drifter, and I have great praise for flix like Unforgiven, Kelly's Heroes, Play Misty for Me, and The Outlaw Josey Wales. When I saw Clint on Inside the Actor's Studio, he seemed to take some shots at F/X heavy films. I guess that's all well and good if you're dissing a movie without substance, but there's no shame in losing the trophy to a man who has just made three films that will live for years. Mystic River may be great, and it may live on as a prime example of acting, but please; there's no way that making a team of great actors work well together in a bigger feat than what Jackson accomplished. In short, it is not for you to deny The Return of the King, Clint.

Other bits I liked: that the increasingly shrill Will & Grace didn't win anything (although a Best Worthless Guest Star award would have been theirs); that 24 got some props; that Michael Douglas got a big award.

Things that I laughed at: Brittany Murhpy's horrible pronunciation; the fact that nearly everyone associated with Lost in Translation forgot to thank Scarlett Johansen; that Diane Keaton busted out Jack Nicholson's age.

Moore and Moore and Moore; I Don't Know Where We're Goin' To: I fail to see how Michael Moore's remark about George W. Bush being a deserter would look bad on Wesley Clark's campaign. True, Moore is one of his most vocal supporters; it's also true that there are many months in Bush's service record where no one can account for him. If Bush didn't get a "My Daddy's A Big Man" pass, or if he wasn't off screwing around, then let the public know where he was and let it die. If they're hiding something...well, that means they're hiding something. Moore, and by association, Clark, shouldn't be criticized for pointing out yet another fault of our current president.

The O.C. Isn't 90210: All right; I'm getting tired of the comparisons between The O.C. and 90210. I'd admit up front that I like The O.C., and I frankly don't define it as a guilty pleasure. It's a witty show with some good acting; Fear Factor (which I hate) would be a guilty pleasure.

So here's why the comparison is off-base. 90210 was about pretty popular kids, and how the two new kids worked hard (or didn't) to become popular. If you recall, the initial premise was the Brandon was popular in Minnesota, while Brenda wasn't. Upon their arrival in the new zip code, Brenda became popular, and Brandon came off as a goof. Eventually, the group gelled around three hot popular chicks, Brandon, the broody loner, and the TV star's kid. David was initially played as a geek, held in disdain by Kelly, and didn't actually get absorbed into the group until later. Andrea was similar. The group went on to remain popular, and place many members in frats and sororities in college. The show also had a poor sense of humor, often coming off as funny only upon examination (or when Steve was center stage).

The O.C. is also about pretty kids, but the critical difference is that several of them start off as popular, and then watch that popularity fall apart or choose to chuck it. Ryan is the new kid from the poor town, and that makes him radioactive to a lot of people. Seth quickly becomes his new best friend, but Seth's affinity for comics and so forth has made him an outsider for years [Aside: Seth is my favorite new character on TV; that guy is funny, funny, funny]. Marissa's bout with booze and drugs in Tijuana gets her labelled the basket case, and cripples her nascent popularity. Summer willingly sticks by her buddy and the others, especially due to her grudingly growing attraction to Seth. Luke's dad comes out, and the athletic BMOC becomes the butt of jokes, eventually coming to an understanding with initial rival Ryan and old victim Seth. Even Seth's parents, in many ways the heart of the show, are freaks in their social circle because they like their kid and have a good marriage.

Sure, it's more pretty people with problems, but they're funny people that many of us can relate to. Who among us could not cheer at the X-Mas episode when Seth, whose entire life has been a dry spell, finds himself caught between the Betty-esque Anna (who made him a comic book) and the Veronica-like Summer (who donned a Wonder Woman outfit to seduce him)? Anna's discovery of Summer with a golden lasso around Seth also led to one of the best dialogue exchanges this year:
Anna: Oh God; I made you a comic book. What am I, 8?
Summer (clearly startled): She made you a comic book? Oh no, I'm a whore. I'm Wonder Whore!
Seth: Now wait a minute... Wonder Woman is not a whore.

That's fun stuff. I like it. And I'll fight any man who says otherwise. So there.

Tune in next time when you'll hear Nurse Piggy say . . . something that makes you wonder why Kermit digs her. Later.

Troy Brownfield is the Editor-in-Chief of Shotgun Reviews. Email Troy at psikotyk@aol.com

shotgun reviews | the big question | review rack | feature forum | rasslin' ring | comics convention | shotgun press | contact | links home | masthead | sponsors | email: psikotyk@aol.com © 1999-2002 Shotgun Reviews - All rights reserved.