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Joe Millionaire
More info: www.fox.com
Review
by : Michael
Daubs 
Editor's
Note: This review originally arrived to the mailbox of the
Editor-in-Chief from pal and Frank Booth Project drummer,
Mikey Daubs. It was too good to simply toss away, and Mr.
Daubs has allowed it to be reprinted here in its entirety.
Troy,
I saw
the most amazing piece of television tonight and for some
reason, you're the first person I thought of that would truly
appreciate it. I'm not sure why.
Let me
preface this by saying I haven't watched Survivor in three
years, I thought "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire" was pathetic,
The Bachelor is for me to poop on and most other "reality
shows" are asshat ideas.
But after
watching Joe Millionaire tonight, I humbly submit that I can
not dismiss the entire genre.
First,
the premise if fantastic. Take a bunch of 20-30 something
unmarried desperate ex-sorority girl females, stick an attractive
(no, I'm still not gay), tall, friendly and seemingly genuine
guy in front of them and most will need to change their panties.
Tack onto that the idea that he has $50 mil in the bank, and
they need a fucking beaver to dam up, well...their beaver.
Now, throw in that he's really NOT a millionaire and he's
just trying to find someone that'll love him for him and not
cash, and it's bloody fucking brilliant. Human nature at it's
best and worst. I mean, this guy is like Judas and Jesus all
rolled into one.
Now, I
watched the entire episode in the comfort of my own home with
the comfort of my own alcohol... which, granted, might have
skewed my opinion a little. But I have some basic observations
that might help sway you to my side (assuming you even disagree):
1) The
whole shebang is run by a personable chap named Paul Hogan.
Paul Hogan? What the fuck, man. No, not Crocodile Dundee (at
least if it is him, he looks like shit...) but a butler for
the chateau they're staying in. He was a hoot.
2) Despite
my natural cynical tendencies, I actually found myself liking
this Joe fellow (actually, his name is Evan, but whatever,
man).
3) There
wasn't a single girl there that I didn't want to smack. Hard.
They were all giggling and chipper and came up with more "fairy
tale" analogies than I thought was humanly possible. Plus,
despite the fact they had known each other for maybe 12 hours,
they all acted like best friends. Somehow their despicable
behavior makes the show even more compelling.
4) At
the end of the first night (which culminated in a "ball" in
which Evan danced with all the girls to get to know them better),
he had to give 12 of the 20 a pearl necklace to indicate they
were allowed to stay. I mean, seriously. A pearl necklace?
How blatant can you get? It's fantastic!
5) Despite
knowing this boy Evan for less than 6 hours, probably, one
girl was crying. Go fucking figure. And the whole time she
was crying she was saying stuff like, "It doesn't bother me
at all that I didn't get picked." What the fuck ever, lady,
cause you're bawling like I just stuck you in the thigh with
a pen. And of course, there was another fairly tale reference
from one of the losers: "This just wasn't my fairy tale. But
I'm still going to have a happy ending. With someone else."
Sure you are, pal.
Now, I
don't remember any of the names of the girls in the show,
or what they did for a living, or even what most of them looked
like. And I don't really care. That's not the point. This
show is about the darkest (and possibly the brightest) parts
of human nature. And maybe I took one too many psychology
classes at university, but I bet this show just gets better
as it goes on.
Or...
I'm just a drunk rambling idiot.
In true
Frank Booth Fashion,
Daubs
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