Burn-Up
W
Review
by : Ryan
Lybarger 
This thing
stank. I had four episodes on one tape. Each episode was 30
minutes long. I had to fast forward to be able to finish.
This is the kind of anime that makes good anime look bad.
Kinda like how Chaos Comics and Avatar make all other comic
companies look like cheap porno (not that I dislike porno,
just making a point). I’ll attempt to explain how bad it was
without wasting much of your valuable time.
First,
the premise. See, the cops are incompetent (duh!). They are
incapable of handling anything, including security. So, there’s
this secret group of chicks (and one love-struck guy) who
handle all the problems the cops can’t handle (like parking
tickets). The first episode has the heroes (whose name has
nothing to do with the title…I think Anime is named from a
code wheel, kinda like military operations) dealing with terrorists
who have seized the World Peace Council 9or something). The
cops, who never bothered to have any plans for just such an
occurrence (convention season must suck in Tokyo), do nothing
but stand around and shout (in order to save money on actual
cell, many scenes are just earlier scenes with new dialogue…kinda
like Black Sheep Squadron and the last Presidential Debates).
Anyway, cops yell, terrorists ask to see model do a naked
bungee jump, Our heroes capture them. Yawn.
What’s
worse is this is just the start. Actually, the whole terrorist
plot was a cover for some chick to addict the World Peace
guys to her VR drug. Huh? Anyway, this “plot” is the under
current to the remaining episodes.
Second,
the actual animation is cut-rate. Sure, it’s better than He-Man,
but I have coloring books that are better then He-Man (The
Story of the Vikings coloring book I have has one really great
pillage scene where monks try to hold off Olaf and crew from
sacking their monastery). As I said before, the use scenes
over and over again; just changing the dialogue. They also
keep from having to draw really cool action sequences by going
the Pokemon-seizure route. That is, they flash a lot of light
and have characters shout (shouting, apparently, entails unhinging
the jaw and the creation of big drops of sweat). Whoopeetedoo.
Third
(and thankfully, last), the voice talent sucks. I’ll admit,
I prefer subtitles. Dubbing always leaves me wanting more.
Here was no exception. I think that they had four guys and
maybe one girl, to do all the voices (I could check the credits,
but that would require wasting more time on this piece of
tripe). the main female villain sounded like a transvestite.
All the guys sounded like Chip from Voltron (which was still
cool, despite the death/not death of Sven). Oh, and everyone
shouted…a lot. It was really annoying.
I’ll close
by saying I’m not a huge anime fan. I like some of it, but
I realize that it, like most forms of entertainment, is made
up of a lot of crap. The trick is to find the good ones. That’s
why you read reviews. Listen to us. We know what we’re doing.
Don’t buy, rent, or watch Burn-Up W. Okay, if you like
plots about as thick as Liefield’s first run on Youngblood
(that is, plots only marginally more complex than the average
porn movie [sorry, I must have smut on the brain]), and you
love seeing Rated R level nudity of Sailor Moon types, then
go ahead. I’d recommend either getting a quality anime (see
elsewhere in this section), or actually renting real porn.
Both activities will be more fun than watching this cheapo,
action/comedy with some nudity piece of garbage.
Ryan
Lybarger is a tech writer in Indianapolis. His delving into
the world of the anime freak has given him a phobia of guys
dressed like Sailor Moon. He can’t, or won’t explain it.
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