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Religion:
A Breeding Ground For Intellectual Cripples, Or Am I Just
Cynical?
By Ian King
Note
from Editorial: With great gladness, the mighty Shotgun once
again welcomes the words of our pal from across the pond,
Ian King. In this feature, Ian speaks on religion.
Just lately
I've been getting a trifle perturbed by religion (again).
I'm not a religious person and I would never describe myself
as "spiritual" either. People who do that are dangerous lunatics
and should be shipped off to a penal colony on the moon. If
you're talking spirituality then you're not far off rattling
on about crystals and ley lines and stuff and that sort of
cobblers is simply not to be tolerated.
Although
I'm not a believer as such I do find religion a very interesting
subject. Something that almost rules the lives of so many
millions of people has to be an interesting subject doesn't
it? While I'm not a believer, indeed I retain a healthy scepticism
on the subject, I don't tend to mock or denigrate the beliefs
of others (well unless they're really funny).
Every
one of us is entitled to our beliefs, no matter how lunatic
they might sound to other people. However I do believe that
this acceptance should swing both ways and that those with
religious beliefs should keep them out of my face. I'm more
than happy to discuss or argue the pros and cons of religion
in any of its forms but I bloody hate being preached at.
I know
many religious doctrines specifically state that its adherents
should spread the word but I firmly believe that a preachers
words can't sway anyone either way, they can only unlock something
that was already in us anyway. For those of us not predisposed
towards religion the words of the preacher are relegated to
an irrelevance, amusement or irritation.
Someone's
choice of religion is an intensely personal thing, something
deeply held and almost unshakeable. Similarly the choice to
remain ambivalent or actively disbelieve is also a personal
choice and one which can be just as unshakeable as a belief
in a nebulous deity of some description.
Free will
is what I often hear touted as the major drawing points of
many religions, the free will of the individual to choose
what, if any, belief system they follow. Conversely, free
will must also be the preachers' bane, the ultimate get-out
clause from rhetoric and religious dogma. For my money the
whole free will thing has always seemed a bit of a red herring
anyway.
One thing
almost all religions have in common is an afterlife, a celestial
coin with two sides: paradise and damnation. Most of the world's
religions primary message can be condensed into the following:
"Believe in me, do as I tell you or suffer torment for eternity."
Now is it only me that sees that as more of a gun to your
head than "free will"?
The trouble
I've always had with religion is that, despite its supposedly
"divine" origins, it has either always been, or become over
the centuries, a very human institution. As such it is as
fundamentally flawed and fallible as we are and open to human
interpretation, misinterpretation and outright abuse.
To me
a lot of religions seem little more than engines of control
over people. "Don't worry if you've got nothing and life is
pretty shit. Behave yourselves, keep quiet and you'll get
rewarded when you pop your clogs." Thanks but no thanks. It's
always seemed just a little too convenient a doctrine to help
keep the masses in line.
The reason
religion has wormed its way into my consciousness again recently
is the increasing debate in America about "Creationism" and
how it should be taught in science, yes "science" classes
in schools. Of course it's not called that in the classroom,
the US Supreme Court ruled against allowing creationism to
be taught in 1987 so they're now teaching "Intelligent Design"
the crafty beggars.
But, let's
face it, the cap fits and they're wearing it. We know it's
creationism, they know it's creationism. So all you Christian
fundamentalists stop wrenching your arms out of your sockets
to pat yourselves on the back, you're not fooling anyone.
For those
of you completely blinded by heavenly brilliance or just plain
stupid, this is wrong. And for those of you who don't know
what I'm talking about I'll briefly explain. Creationism is
the belief in the creation story recorded in "Genesis". I'm
sure you all know the drill about Adam & Eve, no clothes,
speak to snake, steal an apple, oh shit I've got my tackle
out!, you two bugger off out of my garden! (I reckon that's
the shortest version of that story…)
Basically
this is the old "Earth being created in 7 days" caper and
mankind being made from clay or pot pourri or something. Darwinism?
Nonsense they cry! Evolution? Secular poppycock! There may
well be those of you reading this who agree with the theory
of creationism and there are indeed two schools of thought,
one who believes that evolution is utter rubbish and another,
more moderate school, who believe that the two don't necessarily
have to be mutually exclusive.
True or
not the fact remains that creationism is a "Belief", it's
not a science. Now I know there are Christian scientists,
there are probably representatives of all the major religions
in science but, at the most fundamental level, belief and
science are pretty much mutually exclusive.
Belief
is, well, belief. It's based on faith, its strength and pride
come from not having to have proof of anything. Science on
the other hand is based on empirical evidence and, while there
are hundreds of science projects that are only theories, something
which could be argued as a belief system, the difference is
that scientific theories are always coined with the intention
of someday proving them. Without this proof then theories
are just so much hot air, proof is the ultimate money-shot
in the scientific skin-flick.
This is
what gets on my tit-end with religion at the moment. If schools
want to teach creationism then it should be taught in religious
education classes, it shouldn't come anywhere near science.
Why does the ecclesiastical world keep trying to step on the
toes of the secular?
It's gotten
to the sad stage in America where several teachers and college
professors in the "bible-belt" states have actually resigned
after being told they "must" teach creationism alongside evolution
in their science classes (the old "Free Will" idea is still
working ok then eh?). This should never have happened and
it's a fairly worrying piece of evidence of just how much
control the religious right in America actually has over things.
It's not
surprising really considering the arch-conservative Christian
Baboon who's running the country at the moment but it's still
disappointing when you see yet another rent appear in the
tattered mantra that is: "The Land of the Free".
I was
faintly horrified to read of a new 25 million dollar "Museum
of Creationism" due to open soon in Kentucky. Apparently this
museum is to showcase life sized dioramas of Adam & Eve in
the Garden of Eden. Including that well known scene where
they're both chased by a Dinosaur.
I hope
you all laughed as much as I did at that last bit but, I shit
you not, it's perfectly true. Maybe I didn't read the bible
enough as a kid or maybe they've since brought out a Director's
cut version or something. Help me out here, can anyone remember
Adam & Eve getting chased by Dinosaurs!?
Don't
get me wrong I'm all for the idea, in fact I love it! I'd
have been an avid reader of the Bible if Adam had been fighting
T-Rex's and Velociraptors all day. Shit if they'd have worked
in a couple of Vampire Hunters and Cowboys I would have been
an Arch Bishop by now!
What certifiable
genius came up with that idea for the museum?!
"We've
finished the Adam & Eve scenes sir"
"They're
ok I guess but is it gonna grab the kids attention? Any ideas
how we can sex it up a bit?"
"Er, well
we've got a couple of model Dinosaurs left over from the last
museum sir"
"Well
get them in there man, and for the love of God get Eve's boobs
covered up, this is a museum, not the Superbowl!"
Does this
smack of a sense of desperation to anyone? How can they justify
ignoring evolution, of which Dinosaurs play a central role,
and then use Dinosaurs in their museum when they aren't even
in the bloody Bible?!
When all
is said and done I think it's this aspect of religion that
has always turned me off of it. To me it seems inconsistent,
hypocritical, rigid, unforgiving and too fond of trying to
run the "real" world while refusing to live in it with the
rest of us.
I'm not
saying I've got all the answers. God knows (if he's there)
that I'm about as far from a wise man as you can get. Maybe
creationism is actually the way things happened, I very much
doubt it but if someone can prove me wrong then I'll go with
it and eat humble pie.
I think
all I'm trying to say is that people believe in what they
believe in and that has nothing to do with anyone except themselves
so why can't people stop forcing their beliefs onto others
for just five bloody minutes? Are the world's religions so
weak that they can't withstand people having other points
of view?
Has the
belief of the faithful now become so anaemic that they're
forgetting their own guiding principle of "faith" and trying
to foist proof of the story of creation onto the rest of us?
As far
as I'm concerned it doesn't matter if you believe in God,
Buddha or the holy trinity of Charlie's Angels. If you're
living your life without hurting anyone and, even just now
and again, trying to lend a helping hand to someone then you're
living your life the right way. Just because you don't say
5 Hail Mary's and 10 Hello Dolly's before bedtime every night
shouldn't give the faithful a reason to sneer and look smug.
The simple
fact is that they should shut up and let you get on with it
in peace and quiet.
-Ian King
Ian can be found at ian.king@chelmsfordbc.gov.uk
or on the express elevator to hell, goin' down!
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